A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender see that the pirate has has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. Pirate says "Yarrrr..oyd loyke a whiskeee" Bartender says "no problem, cap'n, but you have to tell me...How'd you end up with a peg leg?" The pirate says , "Oye was swept overboarrrd into a school of sharks. As me men were pulling me out, a shark bit me leg off." Bartender says "Wow! What about your hook?" Pirate says "Well, we were boarding a ship when one of the enemy hacked off my hand." Bartender says "Incredible! So what's with the eye patch?" Pirate says "A seagull sh*t in me eye" Bartender says "Really? You lost your eye to a seagull turd?" Pirate says "Yarrrr...it was me first day with the hook."
I hope this is lame enough.:)